Fortress of Solicitude
by Aycelcus
Summary: Death of a salesman. So very tragic. -Sesshoumaru one-shot-


Fortress of Solicitude

By Aycelcus

Rating: PG

Author's Note: This idea came to me after writing the A.N.s for Amaranth. It's probably bad that I am punning off a reference in an A.N., but hey, could be worse… This is set within the Amaranth storyline (which is set after the end of the anime), but can stand on its own just fine. It's just a little fun romp through one of Fluffy's not-so-stellar days.

Everything was quiet on the western front.

Not a sound disturbed Sesshoumaru as he wandered through his fortress. There was not a peep from a young lady brought back from the dead; Rin was off visiting his brother and his miko mate, (and in all probability raising much hell with a certain young kitsune.) There was not a soft whisper from the lips of his Lady; she was away on business of her own, consorting with demons and angels. Not a rustle of fabric came from the kimonos of servants; they were all off for the day at the suggestion of his Lady. There was not even a croak from the throat of the toad; Jaken was delivering messages in the interest of his Lord. Sesshoumaru was blessedly alone.  

And it bothered him. 

His footsteps echoed against the stone as he paced through his halls. This was supposed to be his day of rest and relaxation. This was his day, to do with as he chose. He had it all planned out, a wonderful day of nothing. But Sesshoumaru was finding out that nothing was… boring. Very, very boring.

Finally his feet led him to the library, where he wandered through the shelves of books and scrolls. Nothing caught his interest; nothing caught his eye. He was doing very well at doing nothing. 

He was well into doing nothing with a stack of old letters when he heard a rapping at the fortress door. At once his interest peaked. He didn't have to do nothing; he could answer his door! So he did.

Down the stairs he traipsed, down the hall he walked, and down to the door he strode. With one smooth motion he opened it wide, and there on the threshold of his fortress stood a small, conservatively dressed human with a snazzy case in his hand. The man had a professional smile plastered on his face, and snatched Sesshoumaru's only hand and gave it a solid shake.

"Hello there, sir! I was hoping to catch you at home. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Fuhara, and I am a representative of the Safe and Sound Life Insurance Agency. Let me ask you, do you have life insurance?"

Sesshoumaru stared at the odd little human. And stared. And stared some more. Finally, unsure of what the creature wanted, he growled out the only thing he could think of. 

"What the hell is life insurance?"

The little man started, and then gave a warm smile. "I'll just take that as a no. Life insurance, sir, is a monetary promise against the untimely death of you, or your wife, if applicable. In the event of said untimely demise, a money payment is made monthly to your designated survivors, thus ensuring their continued well-being when you (the primary source of income) are no longer there to support them. For this vital service a small monthly fee is asked. There are many different policies to meet every budget. May I interest you to look at some, perhaps?" 

"….  You want to sell me this "life insurance" against my own death?"

"That is the general idea, sir. If I may, life insurance is almost a necessity these days. You never know when a war might strike. You do want your family to be well looked-after if you should happen to die?"

"…  My sword has reincarnation properties. I'm not really expecting death to be a problem in my future."

"… oh…" The salesman looked depressed for a moment, then hopefully asked, "Well, what about your wife?"

"She's immortal."

The salesman deflated a little more. "Ah, well, I can see that you are well in order. But perhaps you can take my card…" He fished about in his satchel for a moment, then emerged with a small piece of thick parchment. "If your situation changes, or if you should change your mind, just contact me and Ill do whatever I can to help you." Then he turned smartly on his heel. "Thank you for your time, sir! Have a good day!" 

Sesshoumaru watched the departing salesman in amazement. He honestly could not say what had just happened. It was surreal. Absently he wondered if his servants had ever encountered "life insurance" men before. Then he closed his door and wandered back to his library, fingering the card as he walked.

He had almost made it back to his books and papers when another loud rap issued from his door. Surprised, and wondering if the "life insurance" man had come back to annoy him, he made his way back to his door. This time, though, a pair of young wolf youkai stood at his door, dressed in identical yellow and blue yukatas. For some odd reason there were colorful patches sewn to sashes that draped across their chests. They each held boxes that smelled oddly like ginger.

"Hi!" chirruped the smaller of the two. "We're selling boxes of cookies so that our youth tribe can go on a special hunting trip! Please support your local Wolf Cubs!" She smiled wide, cuteness oozing from every pore. The other child clumsily shoved her battered cookie boxes forward and launched into what was an obviously couched little speech.

"We have… um, we have gingersnaps an' thin n' minties and sugar rice cookies… an'…an' for the heath-conscious we offer new low calorie oatmeal cookies!" She finished her speech with a relieved smile.

 Knowing that both Rin and his Lady had a sweet tooth, Sesshoumaru sighed and dug a coin out of his sleeve pocket. "Here" he said, flipping the coin into the surprised hands of the smaller youkai-cub as he whisked the boxes out of her hands. "That's enough for all your cookies. Now go away." With that he turned and shut the door on the Wolf Cub Scouts. 

For a moment he did not move. Instead, he leaned against the door and opened a box of thin 'n minties. Through the heavy wood he could hear the second child exclaim that he had given them way too much money. She wanted to give it back, but the first child stopped her. "If he wanted change, he would've waited for it. Let's go, now we don't have to sell any more cookies! We can go play!" Footsteps sounded and faded as the children ran off with their spoils. Sesshoumaru almost smiled with that. Then he frowned. The traffic to his door was unusually heavy today. 

As if to confirm his thought, a forceful knocking sounded through the door at his back. Sesshoumaru growled and threw the door open, only to see another man with another satchel and …brooms? This one waited for no introduction, he just breezed inside, right past Sesshoumaru and his cookies.

"Good afternoon, sir! I trust you are well! I also trust that you are tidy-big place you have here indeed! Must be difficult to clean it with any efficiency. That is why I'm offering this once-in-a-lifetime deal: the Super Mega Broom and it's companion (patents pending) the Mega Dustpan! What is a dustpan, you ask? I'm glad you asked that, sir, and I am willing and able to offer up a proper demonstration. What we need, though, is some dirt-"

 The man did not pause in his diatribe, but produce a cup from somewhere in his robes. This he promptly emptied onto Sesshoumaru's spotless floor. Dirt, dust, and things he did not want to identify soon covered his floor, and Sesshoumaru began to see red. The man went on, oblivious.

"You see, when everyday dirt and mud and animal excrement gets ground into your flooring, you need something fabulously Mega to clean it up! Watch how the Super Mega Broom sweeps the floor. It's the perfect width to get the job done, and its bristles are made of high-quality straw, sure to last a long time. But where do you sweep this dirt when you are done, you ask? Under a rug? Surely not! Out the door? Not always feasible. So you take our fabulous invention the Mega Dustpan and sweep-"

Cookies forgotten, floor soiled, Sesshoumaru reached out and snatched the Super Mega Broom from the hapless salesman and proceeded to show the man just how _displeased_ he was with the free demonstration. Then he used the handy Mega Broom and Dustpan to clear his floor of dirt and mud and crumpled salesman. Although, he thought to himself as he picked up the cookies to munch again, the man did have a point. The Mega Dustpan was a handy thing to have. 

So once again he began his abortive trip back up the stairs to his library when a soft, polite tap at the door reached his ears. This time he was at the end of his wits. Damnitall, this was his day off! Didn't these crazy people realize that?

So once again he threw open his door.

"WHAT?"  he growled.

There at his doorstep cowered two young monks. One held out a scroll. "H-hello and blessed greetings to you, sir. We are the Shikon Witness Monks, and we're here to tell you today about this w-wonderful, inspirational book. It is the Book of Tama: Another Testament of Midoriko…"

"I'M NOT INTERESTED!" 

And Sesshomaru slammed the door in the poor monk's face. He flew through the fortress to his writing desk and furiously scribbled something on a blank scroll. Then he stomped back downstairs to his door, flung it open, and tacked the scroll to the outside. Then he closed the door and locked it against his sign. It swung there a moment;  its message  clear:

                        Kowanai

        "No Soliciting."

Everything was quiet on the western front again. 

Not a sound disturbed Sesshoumaru as he wandered through his fortress. There was not a peep from a young lady brought back from the dead; Rin was off visiting his brother and his miko mate, (and in all probability raising much hell with a certain young kitsune.) There was not a soft whisper from the lips of his Lady; she was away on business of her own, consorting with demons and angels. Not a rustle of fabric came from the kimonos of servants; they were all off for the day at the suggestion of his Lady. There was not even a croak from the throat of the toad; Jaken was delivering messages in the interest of his Lord. Sesshoumaru was blessedly alone.  

And that bothered him not a bit.

A.N.: Well that was fun. Who wants to bet that by the time the girls come home, Sesshoumaru will have eaten all the cookies? 

Also, here's a scary image to brighten up your day: Kouga as a Wolf Cub Scout. Sellin' cookies. Awwwwww. So cute I think ill go barf….  Well…  hand me that box of Thin Mints, first.


End file.
